We’re not the right fit for everyone…and not everyone is the right fit for us. It’s so hard to believe it took me so many decades to truly discover and embrace this reality. And what a painful reality it can be!

How do you know who the right people are? They’re the ones you feel good about being around. They make you feel happy and energetic and positive. They uplift you and support you and you have healthy, respectful conversations and interactions with them. The wrong people are “energy vampires”…they simply suck the life right out of you.  

You don’t feel good being around them, dread having to spend time with them knowing you will be judged or criticized or made to feel there is something wrong with your beautiful, authentic self.  

They want you to fit their mold, and when you don’t, they will do everything in their power – over time – to drag you down to their level, gaslight and blame you for everything wrong in the relationship. Their light is dim and your light is bright, so they desperately try to extinguish your spirit.

When it’s friends or colleagues or others, the decision to walk away can be somewhat easier than with family whom you have more rigid ties to. But in the interest of protecting your own heart and authentic self, you need to distance yourself from them. If it can’t be physically, then you can emotionally pull away and be aware of triggers you should avoid when around them.

Someone shared an article with me recently which made perfect sense and summed it most perfectly. The article was authored by the great actor, Anthony Hopkins, and here it is below. I hope it helps you as it has helped me gain valuable insight and comfort in knowing who the right people are to let into my inner circle.

An article by Anthony Hopkins on Choosing Who You Have in your Life…

“Let go of the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want to change.

Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it’s a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.

When you begin to fight for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place. This doesn’t mean you need to change who you are, it means you should let go of the people who aren’t ready to accompany you.

If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you don’t do yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and your life. The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.

That’s what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love. You will know how precious you are.

The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to offer you love, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.

The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow, a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.

The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited.  When you give your time and energy, it will define your existence.

When you realize this, you begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people in activities, places, or situations that don’t suit you…your energy is being stolen.

You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anyone else. Make your life like a safe haven in which only “compatible” people are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve.  It’s not your work to exist for people and give your life to them!

Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change.  Don’t waste time with people who are not worth it. Change will give you the love, the esteem, happiness and the protection you deserve.”

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