Through a lot of trial and error, disappointment and heartbreak, I have come full circle and fortunately now I find myself in the midst of a circle of some of the most amazing, loving and loyal friends.

My intuition and discernment have certainly been heightened in the last several decades and I’ve both added in and lost what I thought were dear friends and family who turned out to not have my back. I’ve gotten so much better at choosing and cultivating these important bonds and I feel totally blessed to be in the position I’m in. I’ve learned sometimes in the challenge and heartbreak of a loss of a relationship, those “gems” of growth happen and the brokenness is replaced by newer, more fulfilling relationships. What changed and how have I come to this place?

As I’ve moved through life, reaching a point of maturity, I’ve come to realize having a loyal circle of friends is one of the most valuable aspects of life. But this type of friendship doesn’t happen overnight. It takes years—sometimes decades—to cultivate and nurture. And as I have grown, I’ve begun to understand why this circle is so precious and why it’s worth investing in over the long haul.

Here’s what I’ve finally figured out.  I hope this will help you too see things with the clarity I have come to know. 

Why Loyalty in Friendships Takes Time

In your younger years, you might focus more on having as many friends as possible, trying to fit in, or searching for excitement in the moment. But as you mature, your understanding of friendship shifts. You start realizing the friendships which truly matter are the ones built on trust, shared values, and deep understanding—things which can’t be rushed.

Here’s why it takes decades to cultivate a loyal circle:

Trust is Earned Over Time

When you’re younger, it’s easy to be caught up in fleeting connections. But as you mature, you start to realize trust is not something which can be given lightly or quickly. It’s earned through consistent actions, honesty, and reliability. A loyal friend is someone who’s shown up time and again—not just in the easy moments, but also in times of hardship. These friendships are the result of years of mutual respect and shared experiences which prove their reliability.

It takes decades to see who’s going to be there for you in both the highs and the lows of life. Trust isn’t something you can force—it develops naturally over time when both people put in the effort to show they can be counted on.

Shared Life Experiences Build Stronger Bonds

As we grow older, we experience a broader range of life events—relationships, career challenges, personal growth, loss, joy, and everything in between. These shared experiences create deep, meaningful connections. When you’ve been through things together—whether it’s a tough breakup, the loss of a loved one, or celebrating major milestones—you start to see the true character of a person and how they respond to the world around them.

It’s these experiences which form the foundation of a loyal friendship. You’ve seen each other at your best and your worst, and you know you’re still going to be there for each other, no matter what. That level of understanding and support takes years to develop.

Maturity and Personal Growth

In your younger years, friendships might have been more about fun, popularity, or convenience. But as you mature, you begin to seek out friends who align with your values and who contribute to your growth as a person. A loyal circle of friends isn’t just about having fun together—it’s about growing together.

Mature friendships are rooted in respect for each other’s individuality and the acknowledgment you’re both constantly evolving. As you experience life’s ups and downs, you also learn more about yourself, and you need friends who can support that journey, challenge you to become your best self, and accept the changes you go through along the way.

The Art of Forgiveness and Resolution

No relationship is without its conflicts, and friendships are no different. However, what sets a loyal circle of friends apart is the ability to work through misunderstandings and differences. When you’ve known someone for years, you’ve likely encountered moments where things weren’t perfect. But as you mature, you learn part of true loyalty is the ability to forgive and to resolve conflicts in healthy, constructive ways.

Forgiveness doesn’t come easily, especially when you’re younger. But over time, you learn holding onto grudges is more damaging than letting go and working through the pain. Friendships which last for decades are those where both people have learned the power of forgiveness and have the maturity to resolve conflicts without tearing the relationship apart.

Loyalty and Support Through Changing Seasons of Life

As you get older, life brings changes—career shifts, marriage, raising children, aging parents, health challenges, and everything in between. Through all these changes, a loyal circle of friends becomes even more invaluable. While family is often there for major life events, friends offer a different type of support. They provide perspective, empathy, and a sense of normalcy during times of personal upheaval.

The friends who have been with you through multiple seasons of life are the ones who know you at your core. They understand who you were, who you’ve become, and who you’re still striving to be. Their loyalty doesn’t depend on your current life stage—it’s about a deep, unwavering bond that transcends what’s going on externally.

Knowing Who to Trust and Why

When you’re young, it’s easy to get caught up in toxic friendships or connections which drain your energy. But as you mature, you become better at discerning who truly deserves a place in your circle. You understand loyalty isn’t just about showing up—it’s also about reciprocity. True friends don’t just take from you; they give, they listen, they support, and they help you grow.

Over the decades, you learn to distance yourself from those who aren’t adding to your life in positive ways. This discernment ensures your circle of friends isn’t just large, but meaningful.

Why a Loyal Circle of Friends is a Lifelong Treasure

Surely, you’ve likely lost some people along the way and gained others. And while it may feel like a loss at the time, you come to understand every friendship teaches you something valuable. The friends who stand by you after decades of change, challenge, and growth are the ones who truly matter.

Having a loyal circle of friends means having people who are there through thick and thin. They celebrate your successes, offer comfort during your struggles, and help you navigate the complexities of life. These friends are more than just companions—they’re your chosen family, the ones who hold you accountable, provide perspective, and love you for who you are, no matter where life takes you.

So, while it may have taken decades to build your loyal circle, the effort was worth it. Because these friendships will be there, providing a constant source of support and comfort for the rest of your life. And in the end, the loyalty, trust, and shared memories you’ve built with these people are what make them the most valuable treasure of all.

This is in tribute to all of my beautiful, loyal, loving and supportive friends…my chosen family.  I cherish you!  I celebrate you!  You ae my lifeblood!  Thank you and God Bless each and every one of you!  I’m always here for you as you are for me!  I love you!  Your friend…Kat