Part Duty…Definitely a Privilege

Let me start out by telling you about the two most wonderful people I was incredibly grateful to have as my mom and dad.  Virginia (Ginny) and Edward (Bud). They loved and cherished me and my siblings as their children and taught, protected, guided and nurtured us. 

We all turned out pretty good too!   There was never a moment I didn’t feel loved beyond belief…even when facing some tough lessons when I needed to be disciplined.  They set a beautiful example of how to raise children in a secure, loving environment…with compassion, fun, mentorship, and with high expectations…but tolerance.  They loved people and treated everyone with respect and consideration and passed this mindset onto us.  

It would have been my privilege to take care of them as they aged with the same love and commitment they had for me as I grew into an adult.  I never got that chance as they both passed very young, mom at age 55 and dad at age 58…just 5 weeks apart.  Suddenly they were gone!  

What moved me to write this article is I’m at the age where many of my friends are in the position of caring for their aging parents and I can see the stress and anxiety it causes in their lives.  I’m actually jealous they have had so many more years with their parents as I was robbed of this privilege and joy in stepping up for my own parents.  So even though I can’t relate to their situation, I can be a great listener, and offer comfort and advice when they seek it.  Here’s what I’ve observed and have come to believe.

Taking care of aging parents is one of those things no one really prepares you for. You think you understand it in theory—doctor’s appointments, reminders, helping hands—but the emotional weight of it only shows up once you’re in it.

Some days it feels like pure duty. You step up because you have to. Because they can’t do what they once did. Because roles quietly reverse and suddenly you’re the one managing, worrying, deciding. It can be exhausting, frustrating, and lonely. It can bring up old family dynamics and new fears all at once. And on the hardest days, it’s okay to admit that love doesn’t cancel out how heavy it feels.

But somehow, alongside the duty, there’s also an unexpected privilege.

It’s the privilege of being trusted when someone is vulnerable. Of being the person they call first. Of hearing stories you never paid attention to before, or noticing small things—how their hands move more slowly, how they repeat themselves, how they still try so hard to protect you even now. It’s realizing that the people who once carried you are allowing you to carry them, just a little.

Caring for aging parents is a quiet way of saying thank you—for rides, sacrifices, sleepless nights, and all the things you didn’t notice when you were younger. It doesn’t erase the hard moments, but it gives them meaning. You’re showing up not because it’s easy, but because love doesn’t disappear when strength fades.

Keep a bit of humor in the situation too!  Laughing can be as big a stress releaser as crying!  Keep it light by remembering  you didn’t change your own diapers, warm your own bottle, drive yourself to the doctor, nor did they ignore you when you repeatedly told them the same old story. Smile and relish the role reversal and have gratitude they lived a long enough life to need your help.

If you’re in this season too, know this: feeling tired doesn’t mean you’re failing. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. You’re doing something deeply human, deeply loving, and deeply hard—all at the same time.  It’s easy to feel guilt when you feel you may have fallen short but just remember how deeply appreciative they are that you are there for them.  They don’t expect perfection…they just want to know they can count on you to do your best.  So cut yourself some slack in this whole process.  

Take joy in knowing in their time of need, you are exactly the person they turn to help and comfort them.  What a privilege to come full circle in this thing called life!  And someday when they do pass…you will feel a deep sense of pride you were the amazing child they raised who stepped up in their later years to help them complete their journey here on earth.  

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